Never Go Home
by Ohyesidid
Summary: I cant go back and I can't forgive. After Sammy dies Dean is stuck in a unforgiving faze and cant let it go. AU Sam is dead don't read if it will make you sad. One shot.


Supernatural

I do not own the show or its characters. Hope you enjoy my little story.

2222222222222222222222222222 2222222222222222222222222222 22222222222222222222

I can never go home again or back to the house where I grew up, I miss them both a lot. Sometimes, when I have nothing to do I find my mind going back to them. I know if I were to call or stop by all may be forgiven.

But I can't, I made my choice after Sammy died and it is something that can't change. After mom died when I was 4, it was the three of us for a while.

Dad, Sam and myself for years, just traveling from town to town and living out of suit cases for a good five or six years. Even with the moving and having a baby to deal with, it wasn't that bad.

We bonded as a family, dad and I got close for a little at least. We would do things together during those long years, even with Sammy there; it never stopped us from bonding. When Sammy would be taking a nap, dad and I would build a model airplane.

Or that last year, he even taught me to shot a gun a couple of times. I was only allowed near it if he was there and was to never go near it or let Sammy near it if he wasn't there.

Then one time he took me fishing, it was the best day of my life and to this day not much has come close. We left Sammy with Uncle Bobby for the day, so it could be just the two of us. We left early in the morning before the sun had even come up.

We sat in a little boat in the middle of the lake for hours and it was boring but I didn't care, I was with dad and we were doing something together.

That was the last happy time we had together, after that it all change for, well, I'm not even sure. I was about to turn ten when dad walks into the motel we had been staying in for the last month. I had been helping Sammy with his homework.

He was always a smart kid but when he started school he just excelled at all his classes. So I wasn't much help but he seemed to always want it. Years later I figured it was because he wanted his big brothers help.

He tells Sammy and I that it's time to stop moving around and that we got a house. I was shocked to hear this to say the least. He gave no warning about the final move, just sprang it on us one day.

Sammy was happy he would finally have a place to live, where he had his own room that wasn't going to change every month or have to share with me.

But I could see the truth behind dad's eyes, there was something else going here. Even at 9 years old I could tell something wasn't right.

So, we moved to a nice little small town about an hour away from Uncle Bobby. I had just turn sixteen when we found out dad had a girlfriend. He had been seeing her for a year and never told us about her, I was so mad at him.

Sammy was confused but he took my lead, I tried to be nice and polite to her when she was around the house. It was a lot over the two months after dad told us and then one day she had moved in, again something dad never bothered to mention.

I was mad because he never told us about her, or introduced us when they had started to date. I was mad he felt like we weren't important enough to know, and that she just moved in trying to take over our lives.

I had accepted the fact mom died, it had been a long time but I knew nothing I could do would change that.

So I got mad at dad at his girlfriend, who all of a sudden wanting to pack us school lunches and help with homework. Sammy after a while let her; I had talked to him telling him that just because I didn't like her didn't mean he had too.

We managed to live in relative peace until I turned 18 and then I was gone. I came back a couple times a week to hang out with Sammy and I would call him after school, things like that.

So he didn't think I was abandoning him or something crazy like that, Sammy had a wild mind.

I had started working at as a bartender at a bar at night and a mechanic during the day, always leaving time for my only brother. I never talked to dad, I always managed to avoid him and his now wife.

I was just leaving the bar when Sammy called asking me to pick him up from school; he was doing an exchange student sleep over thing. He had gotten sick and dad wasn't picking up the phone, so I picked him up letting him stay at my place.

It was a couple of weeks later when Jessica called, his girlfriend from school asking if Sam was with me. Telling her no I call dad, when I get no response I go over to the house, only to find no one home.

After several hours I get a call from highway patrol asking me to come down to the station. That's when they told me Sammy was dead; he was driving to school when a semi came out of nowhere. Hitting the driver's side door, hard.

Sammy died before the car stopped rolling, I was heartbroken, and my baby brother was dead. It was later that I found out, that dad never replaced the breaks in the car.

If he had then Sammy would have been able to slow down missing the semi and would have lived.

Dad tried calling me, wanting to talk but I couldn't talk to him ever again. I buried Sammy next to mom and I never saw my dad again. But I couldn't forgive him, not for getting Sammy killed.

And I can never go back, I can't look at the house I lived in first or the house Sammy died coming from. I can't even go anywhere near the state, it has been years but I still think about it sometimes.

9999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999

Having a sad day and this came to mind.


End file.
